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mastergraywolfTo work around my wordiness and improve writing, I just have to work on my memory:
Three examples:
((1))
EXAMPLE 1: The Lilly Library contains main rare books. The books in the library are carefully preserved. The library also houses a manuscript collection.
EX 1 Revised: The Lilly Library carefully preserves many rare books and manuscripts.
(contains = preserves)
EXAMPLE 2: Steven Spielberg, who has directed the movie that has been described as the best war movie ever made, is someone who knows many politicians.
EX 2 Revised: Steven Spielberg, director of the movie described as the best war movie ever made, knows many politicians.
EXAMPLE 3: California residents voted to abolish bilingual education. The main reason for their voting to abolish bilingual education was that because many children were being placed indiscriminately into programs and kept there too long.
EX 3 Revised: California residents voted to abolish bilingual education because many children were being placed indiscriminately into programs and kept there too long.
* Try to avoid "also", "who", and "that has/had""someone" and "because"?. I truly am a person who likes adding extrea info in a different sentence.
* I think I've been afraid to make long sentences.
[Something on Passive Voice. BOLD = verb, ITALIC = subject/noun/person]
EXAMPLE: The mayor's approval of the new law was due to voters' suspicion on the concealment of campaign funds by his deputy.
REVISED: The mayor approved the new law because voters suspected this his deputy had concealed campaign funds.
((2))
Cutting redundant words and phases:
- The task took diligence and persevernce (Reason: Words mean the same)
- "His surgeon is a doctor with a great deal of clinical experience" TO "His surgeon has a great deal of clinical experience." (Reason: Surgeon is a doctor)
- "A total of 97 students completed the quiz" TO "Ninety-seven students compelted the survey" (Reason: 97's the total..no need to say it, and I don't think you're supposed to put in numbers)
- "Last but not least" = Finally
- "In today's society" = Now
- "In spite of the fact" = Although
- "Prior to = Before
((3))
Basic ideas?
- Period and commas go inside quotation
- Use commas to seperate 3 or more coordinate items (verbs, nouns) or adjective (ie: amazing)
- Italizing or Underline: ...
Three examples:
((1))
EXAMPLE 1: The Lilly Library contains main rare books. The books in the library are carefully preserved. The library also houses a manuscript collection.
EX 1 Revised: The Lilly Library carefully preserves many rare books and manuscripts.
(contains = preserves)
EXAMPLE 2: Steven Spielberg, who has directed the movie that has been described as the best war movie ever made, is someone who knows many politicians.
EX 2 Revised: Steven Spielberg, director of the movie described as the best war movie ever made, knows many politicians.
EXAMPLE 3: California residents voted to abolish bilingual education. The main reason for their voting to abolish bilingual education was that because many children were being placed indiscriminately into programs and kept there too long.
EX 3 Revised: California residents voted to abolish bilingual education because many children were being placed indiscriminately into programs and kept there too long.
* Try to avoid "also", "who", and "that has/had"
* I think I've been afraid to make long sentences.
[Something on Passive Voice. BOLD = verb, ITALIC = subject/noun/person]
EXAMPLE: The mayor's approval of the new law was due to voters' suspicion on the concealment of campaign funds by his deputy.
REVISED: The mayor approved the new law because voters suspected this his deputy had concealed campaign funds.
((2))
Cutting redundant words and phases:
- The task took diligence and persevernce (Reason: Words mean the same)
- "His surgeon is a doctor with a great deal of clinical experience" TO "His surgeon has a great deal of clinical experience." (Reason: Surgeon is a doctor)
- "A total of 97 students completed the quiz" TO "Ninety-seven students compelted the survey" (Reason: 97's the total..no need to say it, and I don't think you're supposed to put in numbers)
- "Last but not least" = Finally
- "In today's society" = Now
- "In spite of the fact" = Although
- "Prior to = Before
((3))
Basic ideas?
- Period and commas go inside quotation
- Use commas to seperate 3 or more coordinate items (verbs, nouns) or adjective (ie: amazing)
- Italizing or Underline: ...
